Tag Archives: Facebook

Click, Like, “Like” if You Like to Click “Like”


Dear Sir/Madam:

I would like to register a complaint.

But first, let me get this out in the open: I love my sister and my wife and children, and most of the other members of my family. I think unborn babies should be born, and I think cancer is pretty awful. I also think the troops should be supported (although I think a good sports bra or jock strap would do a better job than I). I love me some pets and I hate pesticides in my food. I even think we should like the Constitution, and the Bible is pretty all right with me (especially the leather-bound ones with my name emblazoned in little gold letters on the cover. Smells great dontcha know.)

So my question is, why do I have to click “Like” on Facebook as proof of my undying enthusiasm for things any non-sociopath should, by any rights, “Like”?

You know who you are.

I think, Dear Sir/Madam, that you have issues. The problem with your posts, as I see them, are threefold. The glowing picture of an unborn baby, or kitten, or happy sisters dancing under a tree in the sunset, kinda take my sarcasm gland into hyperdrive. I find it really difficult to generate enthusiasm in the face of the song “Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty” rumbling like a freight train through my sterile, cat-free sense of normal. I end up doing something weird.

Second, your posts somehow are targeted to make others feel “less than.” I, Sir/Madam, am not less than. I have my own issues, of which I’m passionate, or silent, on my own time, in my own way. Telling a non-attendee “You should really be going to church” will drag them right to the warm spot in their bed. Thanks for the guilt trip. I got other stuff I’m busy with. Guilt may work for some. It doesn’t do much for me other than make Hulk Want Big Smash.

Thirdly, I think your posts are generated to be “Like-harvesters.” You can’t but like our children or our troops, or our Mother on mother’s day. Or even our mothers-in-law (they’re on our Facebook page too, after all). The only possible reasoning I can assemble is that you want a million likes. Maybe you haven’t tried selling AmWay. That’ll get you friends too.

But don’t get me wrong. I want you to post things. I want to be able to like them! I just don’t want to like those posts.  Let me give you a few examples of things I may just click on.

  • Click Like if you recently caught angry penguins raping your backpack.
  • Like if you’re the guy who made peas taste like feet (This should generate ONE click (unless it was a group effort). Just pointing that out in advance).
  • Like if you won’t iron because last time, you set your breasts on fire. Comment if you still have scars to prove it.
  • Click Like if you’ve ever told a door-to-door marching band member selling overpriced candy “I’m sorry; I don’t eat.”
  • Like if you your cat thinks you look like a 180-lb hunk of beef jerky.

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point. We don’t want to be toyed with. Our emotions are our own. If I want to be sad, or impressed, I’ll do it without your help.

Sincerely,

Mr. Like-If-You-Agree-With-This-Post, MLS.

PS. Here’s a picture of Bill the Cat, just to make more people click Like, after they realize they relate to the Post.
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Has the Age of Reason Passed Away of Old Age?


I had to delete somebody from my Facebook “friends” list today. This is something I’ve never done before. It’s that season in the United States where politics is the byword on every street corner. Everyone is wondering if Romney will be the next president, or if Obama will serve four more years. This has happened every four years since 1788, when electors unanimously appointed Washington for the following four years. We should be used to the process by now.

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The Social Media Wars


Two days ago, I woke up to my Facebook page being abducted by Facebook! We’d been given little time to prepare. Small changes to its interface, and the means of navigating it, had been added progressively throughout the summer. For example, the chat system has been completely redesigned. Messages and chat are inextricably linked. Now, rather than adding a friend, you “subscribe” to a friend. You can refine what you want to see of this friend: if you don’t want to see updates and comments of photos? you can turn that off? don’t care about their comments at all? you can turn that off as well.  You can tell Facebook you want to see “All updates,” “Some updates” or “Only Important updates” to your friends’ pages.

A screenshot of TheFacebook, circa 2005.

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Dealbreakers


We all have dealbreakers.  We have probably all unfriended someone in social media, if we’ve found them disagreeable, or annoying, or offensive. More often, we tend to prune our social media rosters.  The Internet now has a smattering of places you can add and delete people, then hurt their feelings, without ever once looking in their eyes! I for one am proud to announce that I no longer have 666 Facebook friends. I have 668. I can’t be going around with the number of the antichrist attached to my friends list. I was gonna delete a few friends just to unnerve a few of my more conservative pals, or just for a laugh, and this got me thinking. Why? Who do I delete? and why do I remove them.

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