Even Moses had his off-days. This is why he never shared the ones that didn’t make the cut.
These are your friends. These are your friends covered in patchouli. Any questions, Moonbeam?
It wouldn’t hurt to call your mother every once in awhile.
There’s a special place in Hell for the f***ing clowns and mimes.
Wipe front to back and clean your crack. / Wipe back to front, you’ll soil your… self.
The Canadian Mountie is not a sex act, but we’re just gonna go ahead and prohibit them anyhow.
Thou shalt put no X in espresso. We don’t P in your OOL do we?
During newly-airing episodes of Doctor Who, thou shalt zippit.
In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, firmly grasp the available mask and place over your mouth. Breathe naturally.
People who actually speak LOLCAT to other humans shall be locked in a small room with a two live raccoons and an endlessly-looping copy of “Joe Dirt.”
When in doubt, twirl!
This post is gonna get me in so much trouble! I mean, I might have missed one! If I did, be sure and post it in a comment below.