Thanksgiving Brian Brûlé


I had a quick cleaning frenzy before I went to work yesterday. It was a fine morning. A brisk thirty-one degrees. So, of course, I nearly set myself on fire. I had the teakettle on the stove. I had just loaded the dishwasher, and wiped down the cabinets, and I noticed some splotches of red sauce on our perpetually-dark kitchen. We have pale (think “snot”) green walls in our kitchen. This is not of our doing, but the person who took it on themselves to support a god-awful color scheme. At any rate, I leaned over the stove to clean behind the oven. The one thing Starbucks has done for me is to make ever-more-acute my eye for kitchen cleaning detail.

I’m a Thanksgiving hero for avoiding my own stupid inflammatory mistakes! How about you?

I wasn’t going to let a bit of spatter go by! On the walls at Starbucks, I am constantly cleaning cash registers, steel counter tops and tile walls of such liquids as green tea powder (ick!), coffee rounds, milk, spatters of mocha, and worst of all, blood-red raspberry syrup! I guess the splashes on my own kitchen walls reminded me of the raspberry syrup because before I knew what I was doing, I had leaned forward, headphones on, and was merrily scrubbing behind the stove.

That’s when I smelled smoke.  Odd. the kettle was on, but I had only just put the thing on.  I looked around and could spot nothing. So I leaned forward again, to keep on a-scrubbing.  A few seconds later, the burnt smell appeared again.

It took a few seconds to register what was happening. In my leaning over, I had inadvertently set my tee-shirt on fire! So here I was, patting out the singed corners on my body. I hadn’t even gone into work yet. I was safe and unburned, by the way. I didn’t even singe anything but the edge of my wife-beater tee. I even managed to get my cuppa. Yes, I’m that much of a superhero. Inflammable!

So thirty minutes later, I went into work, tried selling coffee for an hour, and for the next seven hours, cleaned in a mostly-fire-resistant environment. Isn’t that just like Thanksgiving? How could anything get worse from there? What small things have you got to be thankful for? I personally am thankful for asbestos chest-hair. Peace out, and many (untoasted) turkey sandwiches for you!

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