On Hating One’s Toenails, and Shick Brithouses

Earlier tonight, I saw a bumper sticker that proudly stated “Toenails are for Sissies.” Huh? I’ve never been one to go around advertising my hatred for toenails. I guess it takes a village. He was driving a Hummer, it also seems to take hundreds of gallons in gasoline.

One word: "Gross."

Who hates their toenails? Ballet dancers? people who enjoy smoothness on their digits? My 7th-8th grade PE teacher, Mr. Sharp, was missing a thumb. The shop teacher at my high school was missing several fingers.  Gary Burghoff, the guy who played Radar O’Reilly on M*A*S*H, had a malformed hand and had teensy stumps instead of fingers. Boris Yeltsen blew a few of his fingers off with a grenade when he was a kid.

It’s all the rage, I guess, with adult males of a certain age, to lose fingers. Why don’t you ever hear about *women* who lost fingers in an accident? I guess, with them, they lose toes. Or at least toenails. I’ve seen the shoes women force themselves to wear. They are truly implements of torture, invented by the Borgias and Cardinal Richelieu, I think, for some Inquisitional purpose.

Also–and this is just an aside–who on earth invented the phrase “built like a brick shithouse”? I just want to thank that person.  Brilliant!

That was for free.

Are *you* built like one?

I went to the doctor today. He prescribed me muscle relaxers and a kind of Super-Tylenol. I can live with a little sleep, and anti-inflamed back for awhile.  If I’m still experiencing pain next week, I will start a round of physical therapy. He said it sounds very much like a muscular thing, and not a skeletal/nervous system thing. This makes me happy. One back surgery per lifetime is quit enough, thank you very much. So, the next few days, I’m convalescing. I should also clean the house–the whole back thing sounds like a lame excuse, but really, bending over (even looking down) puts strain on my middle back that just about sends me into unconsciousness. So, the bathroom’s a mess, and the kitchen should have a quarantine sign.

I’m still learning Hebrew. Haven’t heard a peep out of National Archives, and the Hebraica cataloging job they’d posted. I figured I’ve delved deep enough into this language, I might as well do it right. Study the silly thing, and learn to do it like a pro, so next time, when I see someone needing Hebrew linguistics skills, I won’t have to spend days in self-doubt. I learned Hebrew back in the early 1990s, back when I had university credits handed to me for free. I did 9 units of (Biblical) Hebrew, which for the most part is uncanny in its similarity to modern Hebrew. I’m learning new vocabulary as I go, and re-learning grammar rules I’d pretty much forgotten. So, I’m learning more words like airplane (אבירון), and lots fewer words like manservant (עבד).

Back to toenails.

Nah. Kidding. I’ve had enough of that topic for the night, and you’ve most assuredly had enough of this post. Just random ramblings for a random Wednesday. I hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine’s Day, and I’ll definitely write some more tomorrow.


2 thoughts on “On Hating One’s Toenails, and Shick Brithouses”

  1. My Jr high shop teacher was missing a finger. One of the guitarists at our church has a couple stubby fingers. My freshman English teacher lost a thumb in a lawnmower ruckus. My theory is that it’s a secret fraternal organization.


  2. Runners are a strange bunch. Very strange.
    Funny though, right before your blog post showed up, I noticed that one of the ads on the side of my facebook page was for toenail fungus removal. I am trying to tell myself it was a random act of violence, but I can’t help but feel that no one under the age of 40 gets that ad. And then your blog post showed up, so I think that was kismet. It’s the answer for why people hate their toenails. Fungus.

    A brick shit house is a good thing, but shitting a brick (presumably for use in building said house) is a bad thing. Go figure.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s