The Daniel and Alex Show.


Daniel and Alex have strange ways of interacting. I spent most of last night (while Judi was visiting a knitting circle) hanging out with the boys. Alex was playing his birthday present, the brand new awesome video game Zelda somethingsomethingsomething. Daniel was doing Daniel-like things in his room. God only knows what exactly those are. I was on the computer, floating between 2 or 3 websites I frequent, and listening to Alex grumbling at the game. He was losing to the same “bad guy” over and over and over again.

Daniel has a radar for such things. If you ask him, “Hey Daniel–what mood is your brother in right now?” he probably can’t tell you (it’s an Asperger thing) but he knows the exact moment to leave his room and to begin torturing Alex. This was yesterday’s conversation

*****

Daniel: “Alex?”
The TV: Beep clickbeep boop boop click. Alex falls off a cliff.
Alex: “S#!+!! You did that on purpose.”
Me: Alex, watch your language. (I don’t look at them. It just encourages them.)
Daniel: Wow. You suck.
Alex: $(#*& YOU!

Daniel is silent, but steps a bit closer

The TV: Beep clickbeep boop boop click. Alex falls off another cliff.
Alex: #(*$&$#(&! YOU did that!
Daniel: Yep. You really suck.
Alex: Daniel, go away! I wasn’t losing until you … were here.
Daniel: OK!
The TV: Beep clickbeep boop boop click. Alex falls off another other cliff.

Daniel returns with the cat in his hands. Not the nice cat that would make a great singing doorstop, but the cat that’s all claws and hair, and claws.

Alex: Melodramatic stage sigh.

The TV: Bleep click peep beep click bee…
Alex: AAAAUAUAUAUAAUGHGHGHGGHGH!!!!!
Me: Alex?! What the world is wrong?
Alex: Oh, nothing, if you don’t count the fact that Daniel just dropped THE CAT ON MY HEAD!
Me (snickering): Keep it down, will you?
Daniel: You do suck.

*****

Alex has the mouth of a sailor and the public discretion of a bonobo. Daniel has the outward appearance of a good kid, and a seriously malign spirit toward his brother.

Do I punish them? You bet I do! The trouble is, Alex has this idea firmly implanted in his skull: If I’m punished for cussing at Daniel, well, it’s clearly Daniel’s fault, because he was irradiating me with evil waves of evil! Daniel, on the other hand, refuses to be upset by punishments. Punishments slide off him like sweat off a hairless, fat marble. He accepts our charges with a quick ‘Okay!’ and off he goes, to complete his chore, or sit in a corner, or bring us his electronic equipment for a couple days.

I’m melodramatically stage sighing right now.

Isn’t it sad? Judi misses out on all the fun. She should knit while she still can. Next time it’s HER turn.

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5 thoughts on “The Daniel and Alex Show.”

  1. This was just funny! Moreso because I got to meet everyone last summer, and I could just picture this scenario in my head. Very fun to read. đŸ™‚

    Like

  2. I love parenting!! This feels like fighting over who changes the next dirty diaper. But I will *not* be telling my kids about Daniel’s evil cat trick. No point fueling the fire đŸ˜‰

    Like

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