Some days, I really don’t want to write. It’s a mindset thing, I guess. Once I start in on a blog, I usually find I have something to share after all, but the initial weight around my ankles, on occasion, drag at me relentlessly. Today is like that. I’m not in a writing mood, even though I’m in a good mood, and I’m looking sylish and debonair in a plaid shirt and my Abe Lincoln beard.
I mentioned on Monday, something amazing happened. I received permission to share my anecdote.
The short story is this: a friend read my blog, and gave Judi and me $10,000. The friend was touched by my writing on certain topics, and believes we share common interests (and goals and sorrows). They held a family meeting, and decided to write us a check for all we have done for students in the last 20 years, and for my willingness (presumably) to share my feelings online.
I am still, as I write this, touched and astonished. Judi cried. Our youngest son laughed, and thought she was insane. “If you’re so happy, why are you crying?” he asked. When he recognized the magnitude of the gift for our lives, our son stopped us: “Wait. Before you go on with this story, I think you should tell it when Daniel is here.” And he went and got his older brother. We had a brief family “meeting” and discussed the situation, and we had a mental group hug–we aren’t a very “touchy” family, what with 2 kids with Asperger’s Syndrome and all–but I knew they would have hugged us if it had occurred to them.
I would like publicly to thank this donor. The family has asked to remain anonymous, but gave me permission to write about it. Without them knowing it, their timely gift saved us from a serious period of financial instability. It also showed me that, even on a slow and boring day, I must keep writing. People appreciate what I say. I had never considered that, when I began this blog almost nine months ago. I began writing, to learn the craft of “putting myself out there.” I didn’t do it for money, or fame. I have others tell me I have a bit of writing talent (some days, I feel that’s the only talent I have). Writing has become a mental exercise for me–a resolution and my active contribution of time and “talent” to the universe. I may not always have anything new to say, but I certainly try to say something anyway. I seldom suffer from Writer’s Block. I struggle with apathy, and jealously watch the blog statistics and comments every day after I post, praying that I make a difference to someone, some how.. I don’t really even know what that is. Writing, for me, is not only a matter of will, and rapidly becoming a matter of survival. It’s something I need to do every day. And I do it for you folks.
I’m humbled that you all care. I’m humbled that some care enough to donate to me. It is nothing I ever expected, in the course of my life, but I truly believe that my daily blog is my “ministry” if you will. It’s what I give back, day-by-day, to my corner of the universe. I love it. It appeals to me, and furthermore, it suits my personality. Things I could never say verbally often amaze me, as ideas spin like silk from my fingers on a keyboard. I couldn’t do it without you.
Love you all, humbly, and I stand amazed at each of you.