I Need a Break.

Can't you just look at the expression on my face and see that I'm fine?

I love you guys. Have I mentioned that?

I’m worthless at work today. I decided to treat myself to a day of escape, after the events yesterday.  For those of you who don’t read my blog, or who read it while you’re asleep, I’m referring to the “official” demise of my alma mater, Bethany University.   The meeting was live-streamed. Judi watched the event. I couldn’t bear to see the thing. It wasn’t the emotion, it was the evasion, and the faux-smiles, and the fact that when it was all over, and the votes counted, the officials would  just meander over to Olive Garden and call the deed “done”. That kept me from watching. I don’t doubt that everyone in the room left with the burden and sadness of killing something 92 years old. I know I’m being shallow when I say and think such things. I don’t much care, today.

I keep telling myself it doesn’t affect me. It does. I can tell because I forgot my iPhone today; hell, that’s nearly a sign of impending Apocalypse in my life.

A few moments ago, I blogged my “Caribbean Islands” songlist for the day. I want to kick back and chill. Not think of this for awhile. I’m sick of armchairs and quarterbacks, and captains, and words like “corporation” and “objectively”, and feelings like heavy-handed judgment.

The Bethany Alumni Facebook page is dripping with anger, sarcasm, and hurt today. I’m not surprised. People want answers. I want… I dunno… Peace? A margarita? It’s one of those days I wish I were a drug user. Isn’t that sad? I’ve never used drugs a day in my life; never even smoked a cigarette. I’ve only been truly drunk once in my life (I peed in the bed and swore I’d never go through that kind of humiliation again). but today I just want to be quiet, and happy, and maybe numb.

I love you guys. Did I mention that?

In a conversation with a friend yesterday I posed the following hypothetica: if Bethany were a sinking ship, Would you blame the crew? Would you blame the atmospheric conditions? Would you blame the ocean? Would you blame the rats? Would you blame the ship itself? Would you blame the captain? I personally blame the giant hole in the side of the boat, and am rather sick of all the four-bit nonchalant bickering. The ship’s gone. The crew and passengers, however, are still here, and we’re still powerful. The sea still needs us. Our mission is still clear.

Oh, and for no other reason than I like it, I’m posting this song, performed by Jason Mraz. If it’s somehow appropriate to the Bethany situation, it’s purely coincidental.

I love you guys. Did I mention that?


4 thoughts on “I Need a Break.”

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