Random Thoughts, Trivia, and Stories

I’m keeping a list. When it fills, it gets posted. Easily ignored stuff that runs through my mind, but is too trivial to blog about all alone. Consider it a compilation album, only filled with crap.

If men’s testicles were on their chests, I wonder how long it would take them to become self-conscious when they were staring at women’s bodies? Chesticles. Heh.

Shortly after his father (Simon Maccabeus) was murdered, John Hyrcanus was forced to open King David’s tomb and give over 3,000 talents in order to keep the Seleucid Empire from sacking Jerusalem.

They don’t MAKE jeans that could possibly make my butt look too big. Gut, yes. Butt, no.

So long as Christians persist in saying “Holy Cow”, I think all the other religions should get to say “Jesus H. Christ” whenever they want.

If you break a plasma TV, will it have a warp core breach?

If an act bills themselves as The World’s Greatest Elvis Tribute Concert, how do you know if you’re being sold a line?

Animals with prehensile tails are NOT the opposite of animals with reprehensible tails.

When I was in fifth grade, Renée Thomas said I looked like a pansy because I sat with my legs crossed, and then proceeded to show me how a real man should sit: thus, my first experience in learning what it’s like to be a married man.

The same guy who wrote the children’s song “Inchworm” (two and two are four…. four and four are eight…) also penned “Praise the Lord, and Pass the Ammunition” (presumably to stop people from singing the inchworm song).

The island Tasmania is the Roadkill Capital of the World.  No, really.

When a farmer says “My dog will eat any old shit,” he’s not using a colorful metaphor.

PETA has nothing to do with falafel, but both are always better covered in yogurt.

Why are the Q-Tips in the cupboard under the sink? I don’t clean my ears down there!

In 8th Grade English, in Mr. Becker’s class, every time we used the words “get” or “got”, our letter grade went down. See if you can go five hours a week without using them. I used to couldda done.

On a fishing trip with my friend Scott in the 80s, Jerry Thomas fixed a leaky radiator in the Jeep by pouring a can of Copenhagen into it.  Uncle Stanley used to swear it makes a great poultice.

Nature abhors a vacuum. So do our cats.

During World War II, a Japanese submarine attacked Fort Stevens, near the mouth of the Columbia River. The only thing damaged was the baseball backstop on base. Other than the very-ineffective Japanese balloon bombs, it remained the only foreign aggression on American mainland soil until 9/11.

I don’t understand why liver is so universally despised. Of course, I also enjoy a beef tongue sandwich.

“Somebody’s gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!” Slim Pickens cracks me up every time I hear that…

The first big-name group I ever saw was The New Christy Minstrels. (Yeah. Big is a relative term). I wasn’t impressed because I figured if they were any good, we’d be listening to the *original* Christy Minstrels.


3 thoughts on “Random Thoughts, Trivia, and Stories”

  1. Chesticles! Sounds painfully frozen 😉

    I think someone should come up with new uses for cottage cheese. Whose cottage is it from, anyway? It doesn’t even *look* like a cottage.

    And I didn’t use got OR get.


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