I think Crayola should make a color called Kermit. You know what color it would be.
Weren’t Raisinets a schoolgirls’ tapdance troupe?
I remember once, a bunch of students and I went deep into the caves on the UC Santa Cruz grounds, and Melody Tompkins had her blood sugar drop dangerously low. I’d recently watched Steel Magnolias. I don’t think I’d ever been so scared in my life.
The World’s Best Kitty Litter… IS the world’s best kitty litter. Can I get an Amen?
I never guffaw, chortle, snicker, giggle, chuckle or titter. But I laugh all the time. I may also cachinnate, but only because that’s a mighty awesome word to toss around at parties.
Who the world invented champagne? What possessed them to keep the barrel, sell it to rich people, and not just say “Well, Jean-Claude screwed up this season’s batch of Alsace.”
“She’s so Southern, she shits biscuits and farts gravy” isn’t really a compliment, is it…
I think hors d’oeuvres should be pronounced “Horse Doovers.”
Otis Redding’s wife was named Zelma. That’s the perfect “couple” name. Who wouldn’t want to invite Otis and Zelma over for a night of pinochle?
Is it wrong of me to want to laugh when the blind guy knocks over the frightening lifesize middle school art installation in the hallway at my office building?
According to the folks at my work (US Geological Survey), the state of Utah has ELEVEN different geographical features named Mollie’s Nipple (I’m not making this up), including, among nine others, Mollie’s Nipple Butte, and Molly’s Nipple Rocky Knob. One is situated right next to Nipple Lake. Of course.
Who patented patent leather? And is bonded leather into bondage? Is Corinthian leather worn by Greek sadists, as well as binding for Bibles? It’s all starting to make sense now.
There wolf. There castle. I thought you wanted to talk that way. Suit yourself. I’m easy.
Coffee is much more palatable when somebody else makes it and brings it to you.
Tulips look like they should be fake, or at least made from wax, but I can attest to the fact that they don’t taste like crayons at all.
The week before finals, at Bethany, was traditionally called “Dead Week”. Given the fact that nobody studied during this time, we must have been given the time to prepare for the coming Zombie Apocalypse.
They remodeled the Starbucks in Reston Town Center, where I used to work. It has a beat and you can dance to it. I’d give it a 68.
I find it interesting that every time anthropologists study cultures who are possibly cannibalistic, they cushion the blow with a phrase like “it is unknown if it is in a literal sense or merely symbolic.” Seriously? I think that whole 2,000 years of a Christian religion, where people thought you were cannibals due to the Eucharist has messed up Western objectivity.
On this date in 1012, Aelfheah, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was beaten to death by a Viking mob in Greenwich. According to a contemporary source, “[The vikings] then pelted him there with bones and the heads of cattle.” And you thought the French Taunters of Monty Python fame were an act of fiction. For shame!
As a culture, we rarely eat mutton anymore. Or squab. Or a brace of coneys.