After a long text exchange with a friend, we started talking about the Gift of Prophecy. It’s one of those terms that makes me cringe apprehensively. I asked her what prophecy meant to her.
I’m not who I was, I think.
Or maybe I’m not who I think I was.
I’ll never be sure. I used to be able to navigate those waters quite effectively: to be agile and swimming inside Christian Jargon Lake: Showers of Blessing, Waves of Mercy, The Eyes of my Heart. I didn’t understand those terms 25 years ago, but I thought I did. Today, I’m positive I don’t understand those terms, and I’m not sure anyone else does.
I’m tangling my self in my own thoughts.
Abstract terms and extremely metaphorical and vague ideas tripped me up. Even Biblical ones like Son of Man, or Kingdom of God, used to give me trouble. It’s funny. I think in wholes, and in concepts. Metaphorical thought is second nature to me but not, I guess, Church metaphors.
The Church itself hasn’t reached much of a consensus either; or if it has, it’s an unspoken agreement where we just don’t examine the terms by which we worship. When was the last time you asked yourself, really dug down and thought about, what some of these terms mean? The Eyes of my Heart? Really?
I guess somewhere along the line I lost the ability to communicate with the people I spent most of my life with, and I never even realized it. It’s like working with a phantom limb: you feel like it’s there, but you know it’s not. And for mercy’s sake, it hurts sometimes. I was feeling good, and liberated from all the nonsense (in the literal meaning: stuff did NOT make sense to me), until I spoke with an old friend and discovered that I really have not got any of that connection today. The words I once used make me vaguely uncomfortable. This is odd because you can holler swearwords around me all day and I won’t blink. But say “he’s a prophet” and a dozen scenarios roll like dials on a slot machine past my eyes, none of which seem to fit three lucky sevens.
It makes me vaguely sad, like I’ve lost my tongue, or at least the part of my brain that allowed it to work.
I’m not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone but me; I’m not certain if it makes sense inside my head either. Thanks for letting me vent. Skip this post, if you will.