You Might Be from Gold Beach if [Repost Jul 2010]


  • Riding the short bus wasn’t a bad thing–it just meant you were going to Agness for the weekend.
  • You took Biology from Mister Bowen. And so did your parents. And so did *their* parents.

  • When you hear the name Paul Bunyan, you think of burgers.
  • You have personally fixed a leaky radiator with a can of snoose.
  • You’ve only had a tree fall on your house twice–this winter.
  • You had your first beer, first kiss, and lost your first fight, all at the same bar: a *gravel* bar.
  • Cruising through town means driving 40 and not getting caught.
  • You think umbrellas are for wusses.
  • You’ve lived in California for over 20 years, but you still complain about California drivers.
  • The first guy with pierced ears you ever saw was some pirate played by Johnny Depp.
  • You could drive to Brookings with your eyes closed. In fact, you have.
  • You don’t lock your car because you’re afraid somebody will break into it. You lock your car because you’re afraid somebody will fill it with zucchini.
  • You have chased sheep around all summer long, and aren’t afraid to admit it.
  • There are only two directions: up- or downriver.
  • You know that guy who, when a cop pulled him over for drinking, he couldn’t say the alphabet because he went to school in Port Orford.
  • You also know that guy who dated that cheerleader from Powers–who chewed Copenhagen.
  • You’re a Notre Dame fan because you like their school song.
  • You’ve helped rescue stranded cows in a mail boat.
  • You know that if sea lions could fly, THEY would be rats with wings.
  • You’re related to at half the county by blood, and the other half by marriage.
  • When you tell someone you’ve worked with Myrtle, you mean the wood and not the person.
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