Three things [Repost March 2007]

My unique take on what every woman should know about men.

B.

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I’ve put a lot of thought into the matter recently, when a friend asked me why men are so vaguely annoying in so many specific ways. Here’s the best answer I could give her.

1. We’re insanely stupid. Our whole life philosophy can be summed up in the words “see a hole and you can bet we’ll be sticking a finger inside of it, just on principle…”
2. We like it more than we say we do, but because of our limited vocabulary we probably couldn’t articulate it anyhow. And “it” – by it, I mean *everything*. and by more, I mean “inside our bum.”
3. I think as a gender, we’re all ADHD. “Ooh look! a nipple! Ooh look! another nipple! Oooh look! there’s a nipple!”

Yet, oddly, all 3 times, it was the same nipple, but we blinked in between sightings.

A nipple that, if I may, we liked a lot more than we say we do. A nipple that, if it had a hole, we’d be compelled to stick our finger into.

So, the next time you find yourself asking “why the *world* would he scratch his ear with his car key?” Just thank your lucky stars it’s our *ear* we’re scatching.

Hope this helps, ladies. I know you’re thanking me, guys 😀

B.